Submission IV: A Love that Circled Back [BL]

Chapter 21 – “except for…sex”
The feeling of a hangover was awful. By the time Qin Mu awoke from the daze of sleep, Shen Liu had already left for class. He had thoughtfully cancelled Qin Mu’s alarm. The apartment had been tidied, and a fried egg sandwich sat on the table – it was one of the few foods Young Master Shen could cook.
Everything that had happened the night before felt like reality, felt like a dream. In a state of confusion, Qin Mu wrestled between certainty and doubt. Finally, he summoned the courage to “get a clear answer”. As he walked towards the library, every step that he took tread the rhythm of one ready to face death.
He found Shen Liu among the shelves of the mathematics section. He hadn’t even said a single word, and he was already nervous beyond description. He had drafted the words a thousand times over, yet he still stammered.
“Shen Liu. To you… What am I?”
“π.”
“…what?” He was surprised.  
“Hidden in every circle is a mischievous yet fascinating, infinitely non-repeating decimal. It is the inner pattern, though impossible to accurately calculate. Something that needs to be constantly and carefully pondered over, just like someone who has been secretly held in my heart…” The book slipped from his hand. His fingertips brushed against the side of Qin Mu’s face, hooking gently onto his collar, pulling him into his arms. The tender, entwining kiss was more intoxicating than the strongest spirit, drawing them willingly into its depths.
Qin Mu moved back into the small apartment, and they began their life as an official, living-together couple. They were both the rational type, were deeply thoughtful of each other, and, having lived together for so long, knew each other inside out; thus, they were perfectly compatible in every way. Except for… sex.
From the days of naivety to his adolescence, Qin Mu had not been given any proper sex education. Nor did he receive any correct guidance when he discovered that his sexual orientation was different to others. The experience he had at the reform school only made things worse, leaving him in complete fear of sexual activity. Even though he tried his best to cooperate with Shen Liu, his body instinctively resisted any intrusion into his body. The way Qin Mu was so clearly terrified, yet gritted his teeth in compliance, made Shen Liu corpse with laughter, “Is this some kind of heroic death you’re going for?”
Blushing from head to toe, Qin Mu buried his face in the crook of his arm and muttered, “Maybe I should use my hand…”
“Has Shen Liu Junior grown this big just for you to jerk it off?” Feigning anger, he nudged his lower ‘self’ against Qin Mu’s thighs, then, still dissatisfied, he gave Qin Mu two hard slaps on his butt, “Truly, this hero has no place to wield his talents. Get up.”
Feeling guilty, Qin Mu got up without a word, only to see Shen Liu lie down and reach his lubricated fingers into his own body. Still dazed, an unopened condom packet smacked Qin Mu in his face. Shen Liu lay with his legs crossed over and said with difficulty, “You’d better hurry before I change my mind…”
Qin Mu could hardly believe he was willing to bottom. Shocked, he asked twice, “Are you sure?”
Shen Liu clenched his teeth, “… You going to top or what?”
Qin Mu was deeply moved. He leaned over, wrapped him in his arms and kissed him deeply. He trailed kisses all the way down to his pelvis and then tentatively licked the half-soft Shen Liu Junior.
Shen Liu leaned back and gasped for breath. He cussed, “Little rascal, you sure learn fast.”
As it turns out, as soon as the rookie soldier tasted the forbidden fruit, he was also capable of mustering up a terrifying power and nearly ruined to exhaustion the mighty General Shen. Shen Liu was weak in the waist, panting and gasping. He had his arms hooked around Qin Mu’s neck and was aggressively biting him, “Sooner or later… I’m gonna make sure… you pay it all back.”
And so, on their “first night”, both reached a new milestone in life – Qin Mu lost his virginity at the front, Shen Liu at the back. You could say it was quite the novel and exciting experience for both of them.
Afterwards, Qin Mu asked nervously, “Does it hurt?” Shen Liu, who was lying face down on a pillow, snorted in quiet dissatisfaction. Qin Mu was massaging his waist and couldn’t help but ask again, “Just then… did you not feel good?”
Shen Liu turned his face toward him and looked at him with an expression full of meaning, “Do you have some sort of misunderstanding of ‘feel good’?”
Qin Mu stifled a laugh and said, “You were making all those sounds just now. I thought you liked it.”
Shen Liu flipped over and lunged at him. Qin Mu sprang from the bed without thinking twice and fled. With a sore waist and weak legs, Shen Liu couldn’t catch him. He gritted his teeth, “Get back here! I’ll get you ‘making sounds’!”
But despite all the commotion, Shen Liu could never bear to really do anything to him. He truly loved him – loved him to the point where he was willing to change his bottom line. Qin Mu understood this gift of love. In the following days, he showed the full professionalism of being a “child bride”, serving tea, cooking food, giving massages, and promptly fulfilling every request with humility.  
Shen Liu was a man of his word. As soon as his waist was no longer sore, his legs were no longer in pain, and he could run a full lap around the soccer field, he set out on his mission to have Qin Mu “pay it back”.
One evening, coming back home from evening study, Qin Mu received his “gift”. The moment he opened it, his face flushed red. Inside was a dildo.
“Do it yourself. And show me.” Shen Liu sat all leisurely on the edge of the bed.
Qin Mu °• N 𝑜 v 𝑒 l i g h t •° was completely mortified, but he didn’t want to rain on Shen Liu’s parade, and so obediently did as he was told. He started shoving it in after only some hasty loosening, which made Shen Liu give him a heavy flick on his half-erect sex organ.

Shen Liu took off his own shirt and unzipped his jeans. Holding between his teeth a condom packet, he spread his legs in front of Qin Mu, smiling with maximum allure, “Do it well and you’ll get a reward.”
The scene got Qin Mu instantly hard. After much effort, he slowly eased the dildo into his body, and before he even pressed the switch, he came. For this, Shen Liu laughed at him for quite some time. Once he regained his strength, Qin Mu pounced back like a leopard, pinning Shen Liu down and biting his earlobe. Though he moved with much ferocity, his actual bite was gentle. The man that was pinned beneath him made no resistance, allowing him to wreak whatever havoc he wanted upon his body, and as Qin Mu thrusted into him, the man closed his eyes, letting out muffled moans.
Like a most meticulous gardener, Shen Liu was full of patience when it came to cultivating Qin Mu’s “sexual appetite”. Using props, his own body as seduction, a full tapestry of creative methods, gradually, in small steps, he soothed Qin Mu’s wounds, coaxing him to slowly open up his body and adapt to the feeling of “being entered”. After nearly two months of different training, Shen Liu started the next phase of his endeavour – he asked Qin Mu to tie him up.
“Be good now. Just think of me as a dildo.” With his hands and feet tied, Shen Liu lay flat on the bed and counselled with a smile, “Though you’d have to get this dildo to stand up first.”
Assuming an utterly unthreatening posture, he surrendered all control to Qin Mu. The moment their bodies melded together, the corner of Qin Mu’s eyes glistened with tears. He leaned down and they kissed deeply. Their bodies connected, their chests pressed against each other, entwining in an inseparable whole.
In moments of passion, Qin Mu was both shy yet uninhibited, resisting yet full of want. Everywhere, he brimmed with this beautiful contradiction, driving Shen Liu, who was completely tied up, utterly crazy. He tensed against his restraints until his hands and feet were swollen red, causing Qin Mu to feel much concern over him afterwards.
A few days later, with an air of mystery, Shen Liu suddenly announced that he was going to take him out to “broaden his horizons”.
It was a private club hidden in the middle of the city. There was no signage, no outsiders were allowed, and who knows how Shen Liu managed to get his hands on a membership. At first, Qin Mu thought it was some sort of niche art exhibition, but he was utterly shocked by everything before him.
The tool was rope, the artwork was the human body. The soft yet sturdy rope formed winding and twisting lines upon the canvas of the human body, tracing a beauty of incredible tension, striking upon Qin Mu’s visual senses.
“What is… this?” He asked.
“Kinbaku.” The female bondage artist was from Japan and spoke Chinese with a somewhat imperfect accent. She explained earnestly, “Through binding and restraint, one finds peace, feels life, discovers oneself.” 
“Let’s try it together.” Shen Liu wore a fatally charming expression upon his face, seducing him, “Spice things up a bit.”
Qin Mu glared at him with a red face, “What? Bind you?”
“You bind me, I bind you. Fair and square.” Shen Liu casually held out his two hands in front of him, “Here.”
To everyone’s surprise, Qin Mu showed a truly exceptional talent for this field. Not only did he rapidly master all sorts of ties and bindings, with the cooperation of his “partner-in-crime”, Shen Liu, he experimented with even greater creative methods. The owner of the Kinbaku club introduced them to a small BDSM club, and thus, they opened the door to this secretive world. At this time, Shen Liu was also busy activating ever more branches of this irresistible, blood-racing skill tree.
In those days, they loved each other very deeply. In their eyes, they saw only each other. And would’ve done anything for each other. Shen Liu enjoyed the way Qin Mu would reveal a restrained yet wanting expression under his discipline*, and was willing to obey Qin Mu’s commands as he was tied and bound. Qin Mu, in trying to please Shen Liu, did his best to overcome his psychological barriers, and when he moved upon Shen Liu’s body, he would become excited to the point of losing himself.
Yet the journeys of this mortal world are very long, and in the end, beneath a sky of blinding dust, they parted ways and headed in separate directions. Never again did Qin Mu surrender control to the hands of another. He took up the whip and became a through-and-through Dom. When he looked in the mirror, he even thought that he looked very much like Shen Liu.
And what of Shen Liu?
Was he still indulging in such games?
Did he ever kneel before another, to be tied and whipped? Or did he perhaps already have a devoted Sub and would whisper the same words of love that were once said to him?
…
Qin Mu’s mind was a mess. He heard footsteps draw near. He opened his eyes. The face of Shen Liu overlapped with that from long ago, as if nothing had ever changed.
He froze in this moment of recognition.
“Is the bed uncomfortable? You had to come sleep here?” She Liu reached out a hand to him.
Qin Mu came back to his senses. He ignored the hand and stood up by himself. Pulling over a towel, he wiped away his sweat and quickly recomposed himself, “My luggage, when are you returning it?”
“You want it?” Shen Liu teased, “Let’s hear you say ‘sweet gege’”.
Qin Mu ignored him. He threw the towel over his shoulders and went upstairs. The man tucked his hands in his pockets and sauntered behind him all the way to the door of the bedroom. Qin Mu stopped him at the door, “What now?”
Shen Liu leaned a hand against the doorway, smiling, “Complimentary ointment rubbing service for guests.”
The next moment, the door shut.
Having almost caught his hand in the door, Shen Liu clicked his tongue and slowly pulled out the key. By the time Qin Mu finished his shower, he was sitting on the sofa fiddling with the ointment. The entire room smelled of cool mint.
“Come, lie down. I’ll give you a proper massage.” Though he was denied entry, Shen Liu was as determined as a school boy who, wanting to be a Good Samaritan, forced an old grandma to be helped with crossing the road. Overly enthusiastic.
The spot on his lower back that was injured the day before was indeed more painful today. Qin Mu brushed his fingers through his still-damp hair, saying, “Don’t you have a masseur? Get him to do it instead.”
“He’s been fired.” Shen Liu didn’t bat an eye.
Qin Mu frowned, “When?” Tao Ze had clearly told him this morning that there was a masseur.
“Just now.” Shen Liu tilted his head and insisted unreasonably, “There is only one masseur left in this entire house. Esteemed guest, whether or not you want to, you have no choice left.”
Qin Mu sighed within, pressed his lips and lay down on the bed. Because he worked out daily, he had a beautifully sculpted back. The lines of his muscles flowed from his nape to his shoulders and down to his waist like undulating hills.
Shen The Masseur pulled the bothersome towel right off and laid his warmed hands on his lower back. Though his hands gently kneaded, his mouth was ceaseless with its flirting, “Does it hurt, hm?”
“Is it too much?”
“Be good now. Relax. I’ll go softer.”
“Are you feeling better?”
“If it hurts, then make a sound. Don’t hold it in.”
“Do you want to change position?”
Qin Mu kept his eyes closed the entire time, ignoring Shen Liu’s solo performance. At first, his body felt a little stiff, but gradually he began to relax. The familiar touch of those hands muddled his mind, outlining a distant past.
A cramped and humid rental room.
A sore, aching back.
A thick scent of medicinal ointment.
And the words of love that lingered at the ear.
“My Little Woodsy has worked hard. Come, let ge give you a massage…”
His awareness fell deeper and deeper in a haze, drifting about and then sinking beneath the surface of the water. But the remnants of his reason clanged like a warning bell upon his heart.
Qin Mu jolted awake.
Shen Liu felt his back suddenly tense. He stopped and asked, “Pain?”
“It’s enough.” Qin Mu turned over and sat up.
“Then let’s head downstairs and eat.” Shen Liu tidied up the ointment and went to the bathroom to wash his hands. The water flowed over his palms and washed away the lingering warmth. He rubbed over his slender fingers, as if savouring the physical touch of just then. He looked up and saw the reflection in the mirror and couldn’t help but mock himself –
What sort of expression is that? You’re like a pervert.
By the time he came out, Qin Mu was already dressed. Shen Liu pulled out a box from his pocket and handed it to him, “Your glasses have been fixed. Try them.”
Qin Mu took it. The prescription was the same, the details were perfectly similar. If it wasn’t for the missing scratch on the inside of the arm, he would have almost thought this was the original pair. As far as he knew, this model had been discontinued. Who knew how the ever-resourceful Master Shen got hold of it?
But the man remained silent on the matter. He just stood by the door and urged, “Let’s go. I’m famished.”
 
************
 
Translator’s Note:
As in the D of BDSM, discipline training.